Faithful News

Elephant - Loxodonta africana 🥈🥈

Yellow-Lipped Sea Krait - Laticauda colubrina

Red Fox - Vulpes vulpes 🥉

Platypus - Ornithorhynchus anatinus 🥉

Prehistoric Elephant - Palaeoloxodon namadicus 🥉🥉🥈

Sonoran Desert Sidewinder - Crotalus cerastes cercobombus

Ice Worm - mesenchytraeus solifugus

Dog - Canis familiaris

Cat - Felis catus

Tiger - Panthera tigris

Dolphin - Tursiops truncatus

Penguin - Aptenodytes forsteri

Lion - Panthera leo 🥈

Axolotl - Ambystoma mexicanum

Sea Otter - Enhydra lutris

Honey Badger - Mellivora capensis 🥈

Polar Bear - Ursus maritimus 🥈

Wolverine - Gulo gulo

Cape Buffalo - Syncerus caffer caffer

Great White Shark - Carcharodon carcharias

Blue Whale - Balaenoptera musculus

Common Bed Bug - Cimex lectularius

Giant Nematode - Placentonema gigantissima

Pompeii Worm - Alvinella pompejana

Sperm Whale - Physeter macrocephalus

Penis snake - Atretochoana eiselti

Giant Dragonfly - Meganeuropsis permiana

Giant Pacific Octopus - Enteroctopus dofleini

Triceratops - Triceratops horridus

Kiwi - Apteryx australis

Brown Rat - Rattus norvegicus 🥉

House Mouse - Mus musculus domesticus

Red Volcano Sponge - Acarnus Erithacus

Sulfur Cave Molly - Poecilia sulphuraria

Meerkat - Suricata suricatta 🥉

Housefly - Musca domestica 🥉

Feral pigeon - Columba livia urbana

Coyote - Canis latrans

Great black-backed gull - Larus marinus

Leopard seal - Hydrurga leptonyx

Western lowland gorilla - Gorilla gorilla gorilla

Eastern lowland gorilla - Gorilla beringei graueri

Brownthroated three-toed sloth - Bradypus variegatus 🥉

Bornean orangutan - Pongo pygmaeus

❌Defeated: Hippopotamus - Hippopotamus amphibius 🥈🥈🥈 [beat by Brown Rat]

❌Defeated: Giant Panda - Ailuropoda melanoleuca [beat by Polar Bear]

❌Defeated: Orca - Orcinus orca [beat by Housefly]

❌Defeated: Hotwheels sisyphus spider - Hotwheels sisyphus [beat by Saltwater Crocodile]

❌Defeated: Saltwater Crocodile - Crocodylus porosus 🥈🥈🥈🥈 [beat by Red Fox]

🚫Ineligible: Water bear - Milnesium tardigradum

❌Defeated: Ping-Pong Tree Sponge - Chondrocladia concrescens 🥉 [beat by Prehistoric Elephant]

🚫Ineligible: human [I'm shortening this]

🚫Ineligible: Tardigrade (LFG)

🚫Ineligible: [This animal was edited in bad faith]

❌Defeated: Wolf - Canis lupus [beat by Prehistoric Elephant]

❌Defeated: Cliff Swallow - Petrochelidon pyrrhonota [beat by Elephant]

❌Defeated: Haast's Eagle - Hieraaetus moorei [beat by Prehistoric Elephant]

❌Defeated: Flightless Elephant Bird - Aepyornis maximus [beat by Saltwater Crocodile]

❌Defeated: Great evening bat - Ia io [beat by Lion]

❌Defeated: Funny valentine spider - Funny valentine [beat by Dermophis donaldtrumpi Caecilian]

❌Defeated: Yi qi dinosaur - Yi qi [beat by Elephant]

❌Defeated: Aha ha wasp - Aha ha [beat by Hippopotamus]

❌Defeated: Colossal Whale - Perucetus colossus [beat by Meerkat]

❌Defeated: Cuban Cockroach - Panchlora nivea [beat by Hippopotamus]

❌Defeated: Panther Chameleon - Furcifer pardalis [beat by Saltwater Crocodile]

❌Defeated: Giant Pterosaur - Quetzalcoatlus northropi [beat by Ping-Pong Tree Sponge]

❌Defeated: Lesser Flamingo - Phoeniconaias minor [beat by Honey Badger]

❌Defeated: Dermophis donaldtrumpi Caecilian - Dermophis donaldtrumpi 🥈[beat by Brownthroated three-toed sloth]

❌Defeated: New World Screwworm - Cochliomyia hominivorax [beat by Hippopotamus]

❌Defeated: Chinese giant salamander - Andrias davidianus [beat by Saltwater Crocodile]

🚫Ineligible: [edited in bad faith]

❌Defeated: Australopithecus - Australopithecus afarensis [beat by Platypus]

Stretch-and-fold after mixing, 3x every 30 min

3 iterations of stretch-and-fold, at any time during the 14h waiting period. Minimum wait time between iterations 1 hour

Place small ice cubes between parchment and pot instead of water

Add 1tsp of diastatic malt powder per 3cps of flour

Use tap water instead of fancy RO water

put butter into it

Toast the bread

Donate the bread to a food pantry, homeless person, or someone else in need

Add lots of butter (0.2 ml per gram)

Half yeast

Bake it with your best friend.

Use whole wheat to improve the nutrition of the bread

Bake for 5 more minutes

Bake for an amount of minutes equal to the percent this market answer is at when it comes time to begin baking. (Maintain the ±3 minute tolerances and the 2:1 ratio of time before:after the water spritz.)

Sprinkle 3 grams of flaky sea salt on top of each loaf before the second bake

Increase water by 50 g

it needs more salt

Replace all water spritz steps with a basting of extra virgin olive oil.

Diastatic malt (~1% baker's percentage) = happier yeast

Serve the bread hot

Do a second rise

Use sourdough instead of yeast

Don't eat anything for at least 24 hours before eating the bread

Create indentation, fill with melted cheese and butter

don't eat anything for at least 2400 hours before eating the bread

Cut into the dough right before baking looks destructive to improve the appearance

Sell your bread at an auction and donate the money to those in immigration detention prisons.

Add garlic

Do it with a good spirit in your heart, or ask someone with a good spirit to do it for you. But don’t watch while they do it.

Sprinkle sesame seeds evenly over the top

Give ChatGPT your current recipe as well your take on what optimal bread tastes like, then take that advice for your next bake

Short advice: Start baking at 260°C for strong rise, then reduce to 230°C and uncover halfway to achieve even browning and a crisp crust. 🍞

Try baking a little more "bien cuit". If the image is indicative, your loaves may be quite "blonde".

put ketchup and cheese on it

Use Iodized salt

Don't eat anything for at least 48 hours before eating the bread

Invest in a "Bakers Steel" for better heat retention and oven spring. It would mean graduating from a dutch oven though.

Add slurs to it

Do all the changes in the top 5 open options by probability, excluding this option

Make banana bread

Ask ChatGPT (GPT-5, with thinking enabled) for suggestions on improving the bread, with this market description, then do all of them.

Get recipe from gemini with experiments done, taste preference, then confirm it with chatgpt for final suggestion.

Make the bread taste good

Don't automatically "Heat water to 30±1 °C". Instead, aim for a desired dough temperature (DDT) of 25-26°C. 30°C water is too hot for summer, and potentially too cool for winter.

If your city uses artesian water, replace plastic bottled water with tap water. It will add natural, healthy alkalinity to your bread.

Substitute 75 g of your flour with spelt flour

Give Gemini your current recipe as well your take on what optimal bread tastes like, then take that advice for your next bake

Add 6.25±1.25 g lemon juice when mixing in water to yeast and salt jug

Watch the video

Ditch current process, do everything the same as the video

Bread flour, 3x yeast, cut rise to ~3h

Eat the bread while punching @realDonaldTrump in the face

Eat the bread while watching your mana balance steadily tick to (M)0

Throw the bread at a telescope

Cut bread into loaves before serving

Cut bread into ≤0.4inch slices, toast before serving

Invite your taste-testers to make the bread with you

Bake for 15 more minutes

Tarriff the bread-making process with a 10% reduction of all ingredients where actual physical money is required to purchase them, until it “shrinkflates,” but try to keep the same volume. Do not reduce any free ingredients.

Add 2 tbsp vanilla cake mix

Taste the bread

throw your recipe into a black box Bayesian hyperparameter optimization framework and iterate as necessary (see the Google Vizier Cookie Recipe paper for example

Put a baking rack in the Dutch oven before putting the loaf in, raising the loaf off the floor and lofting it over a layer of air.

Buy bread from a michelin star restaurant.

Just freeze the ready bread, then slowly bake it until it’s hot inside. It will give you a crustier crumb, contain less moisture, and taste better.

Put a non-lethal dose of any rat poison.

Add melatonin to the bread and eat before you sleep (do safely)

Standardize a separate list of process features to keep track of independently of all other tests and use the cross entropy method to tune them to maximize your bread preference

Have someone sell the bread to you at an expensive price

While the bread is baking, tip every user who voted "Yes" on this option 25 Mana

Use a food-grade, human-approved vitamin D supplement in the correct dosage for testers with vitamin D deficiency

Use a convection oven/setting

Add 1/2 scoop whey protein powder

Brush on an egg wash

Replace part of the flour in the dough with freshly crushed hemp seeds. It will make the bread a little bit sweeter, especially appealing for Canadians.

Only use tap water from specifically New York City

Make the bread great again

Decompose it into infinite spheres, then a few parts per sphere, rotate the spheres by arccos(1/3), unite them and you will find 2 chilis (Banach-Tarski)

Bake the Manifold Crane into the Bread

Make the bread edible then throw it in

Drink vodka while eating the bread

Do FOLDED

Quit Manifold into the bread.

Kill the bread into Manifold.

Assume the chili is not in the interval [0,1], square it for more chili, if it is in (0,1), take the square root, else (equals 0 or 1) add 1 to it.

Assume the chili is in the interval (0,1), square it for less chili, if it is in (1,infinity) take the square root, if it is in (-infinity,0) take the negative of the square of the of the chile, else (equals 0 or 1) subtract 1 from it.

Replace AP with bread flour and cruelly mix the dough in the mixer until elastic and not sticky

replace 10% of flour with farina bona

Add a tablespoon of sugar

Bake one more minute

Replace 10% of flour with milled wheat bran

Grind/powderize all salt used into a fine powder (with pestle & mortar or similar device)

Instead of RO water, use lightly rusty water to improve the nutritional value of the bread with soluble iron.

Ask yourself if bread is healthier than fruits? No need to improve my bread

Use flour made from an unconventional grain e.g. barley, millet, oats, rye, sorghum, maize etc.

Resolve at least one thing here yes or no while baking bread

A system view is more appropriate. This is a dynamic, multi-variate, biological and chemical system. For e.g. conditioning salt % AND yeast % AND water temperature based on ingredient and ambient temps.

Use soda instead of water (clear, orange, yellow, etc. soda is ok. Don’t use a purple/brown soda as that would make it not look good)

Wear a suit while baking the cake.

Encourage people to participate in the market in good faith while making the bread

Replace salt with sugar

Bake the bread into a fun shape, like a fish, or an octagon

Pray to your preferred agricultural/food deity before baking and before eating

Replace 600+/-5g water with 600+/-50g water (eyeball rather than carefully measure)

Strawberry jelly filling

Get your friends to help you make a batch ten times the size, but add a Pepper X (2.7M Scoville heat units) to the mixture

Mail the bread to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Washington D.C.

Want to improve the value of your bread? Simply bake a piece of gold into it

Ship a piece of the bread to a random person.

Make all of the ingredients from scratch.

Frost it and put sprinkles on it to make it a birthday cake.

Add as many Jack Daniel's whiskey barrel smoking chips as feasible to the Dutch oven before baking, physically separating them from the bread as necessary while baking.

Only buy ingredients from 7/11.

Improve the bread

Quadruple salt

Bake your social security number into it.

Bake one fewer minute

Add caffeine to the bread

Bake the cake while wearing a onesie.

Cook the bread with a rod/puck of aluminum foil (or similar) in the core in an attempt to conduct heat through the center of the bread, cooking it evenly like a doughnut.

Test/filter the water for heavy metals

Eat the bread in front of the White House.

Implement all options that resolved NO

Make the bread inedible then throw it out.

Throw the bread at @realDonaldTrump

Force Feed it to @realDonaldTrump

Cut the bread into the number of traders in the market slices.

make the bread bounce

Implementing every element listed below.

Just make donuts instead

Bake it in an easy bake kids oven

Use lemonade instead of water.

Use a plastic baking sheet.

Eat the bread while betting yes on Cuomo on Manifold

Double oven temperature

Bake the bread very thin and add food coloring to make it have the US flag. Don’t allow it to touch the ground, illuminate at night, fold 13 times properly, and pledge allegiance before eating.

Don’t use usual water (room temperature) for the dough - that water’s only for toilets. Use electrolyte drinks instead with ice cubes; they make the dough taste better and add extra nutrition.

Light it on fire with birthday candles.

Bake it with a microwave

Halve oven temperature

Eat the bread while betting yes on Mamdani on Manifold

Step on it

Give the bread a name in a ritual ceremony and baptise it, with pre-blessed holy water if a priest isn't available

Bring it to Yemen and put a bomb in it

Bake America Great Again

Sacrifice a lamb

Add MAGA and a splash of Trump juice

Bake in a cat and a dog

Explode it:

5 parts cyanide/ 1 part water/ 1 part sand

say 6 7 67 times before making the bread

Take a fat dump in the dough

Sit in dough 24 hrs

Replace flour with flowers

Let dough sit 24 hrs

Mix half sodium/potassium chloride

Add 2g? of baking soda

Bake in rectangular tin

Add 50g vital wheat gluten

double yeast

halve salt

Double salt

Add 2tsp olive oil

Refrigerate dough instead of room temp wait

Start at 500F, drop to 450F and uncover half way through

Do not mix salt and yeast in water together

Autolyse 20 minutes

Let dough rise on counter only until double volume or 2h max, any time longer in fridge

Think positive thoughts before tasting

Put fork in microwave

Don't eat anything for at least 12 hours before eating the bread

Add 2tbsp vanilla extract

Play classical music while baking

Make naan bread, an easy-to-make bread

Add a pinch of sugar

Bake on upside-down sheet pan, covered with Dutch oven

Eat the bread with friends

Bake vegimite into it.

Bake vodka into it

Bake it in the country you were born in.

Let dough sit 48 hrs

Resolve this option YES while eating the bread

Ditch all the steps. Just buy the bread from the supermarket

Eat the bread over the course of a week.

Bake for 5 fewer minutes

Use 50% whole grain flour

Bake the bread with love

Use King Arthur Bread Flour instead of All-Purpose

Add sawdust to increase the volume of the bread (but only like 10% sawdust by volume max. maybe 20% if it's good sawdust)

More steam! Either spritz with more water (preferably hot) or actually pour some boiling water in just before closing the lid.

Resolve this option NO while eating the bread

Incorporate a whole grain flour (buckwheat for example)

Add 50g sugar

Add 50g honey

Swap 200ml water for milk

Cover bread with damp paper towel instead of initial water spritz. Rehydrate paper towel during 2nd spritz. Remove paper towel before placing on cooling rack.

Make a poolish 12 h ahead: 100 g flour + 100 g water + 0.8 g yeast (0.1 %). After it ferments, use this poolish in place of 100 g flour and 100 g water in the final dough.

Add an amount of MSG equivalent to half the current salt content

Eat the bread while sending all your mana to @realDonaldTrump

Add 1/2 cup yogurt to the bread and name the bread “gurt” while addressing it with “yo, gurt”.

Add banana

Add poppy seeds

Shooter captured alive before Oct. 1st

Charlie Kirk receives Presidential Medal of Freedom

Evan permabanned from Manifold

Charlie Kirk is the most viewed article on Wikipedia in 2025

Any left-wing group is legally designated as a "terrorist organization"

Jimmy Kimmel is reinstated.

Jimmy Kimmel returns to air on Sinclair stations

Charlie Kirk dies

Charlie Kirk remains no longer alive

government employee fired for personal statements on kirk is reinstated or wins employment/first amendment lawsuit about firing

Over 1 million combined lifetime student memberships and faith initiatives by Nov 2026

South Park does an episode that alludes to it

event with left leaning speaker canceled on a different campus by that school's admin and cancellation explicitly references shooting

Jezebel writer Claire Guinan testifies that she doesn't believe in witchcraft.

Another political assassination (either side)

At least once person is hospitalized or killed in a violent incident started by someone who thinks they are retaliating for Kirk's death

At least 10 people deported because of anti-Charlie Kirk comments

Any House Democrat is censured for comments on Kirk.

NYT reporter / opinion columnist fired

Trump initiates a large-scale crackdown on civil liberties in response.

Search warrant/subpoena executed against a journalist citing social media posts about the shooting

South Park episode canceled (not delayed)

Trump invokes the Insurrection Act and/or declares martial law.

The FCC revokes a station’s broadcast license over any misinformation about Kirk.

event with right leaning speaker canceled on a different campus by that school's admin and cancellation explicitly references shooting

BBC does piece on furries that mentions Tyler Robinson

"Groyper War 3" declared by Nick Fuentes or one of his generals

Statue of Charlie Kirk erected in the capitol

Information reward money paid

high ranking fed (elected, political appointee, or LEO) acting in an official capacity names a suspect later exonerated

Actblue specifically is labelled a terrorist organization or shut down

arson attack against gender clinic

A prominent anti-Trump journalist is arrested.

At least one furry convention canceled

Robinson's roommate charged with any crime related to the assassination

Jimmy Fallon fired, or show cancelled.

TPUSA supports a gun control bill

Any Democratic politician is arrested

5+ reporters/columnists fired (across any outlets)

Upcoming issues of Absolute Batman pulled

Search warrant/subpoena executed against an individual citing social media posts about the shooting

Federal investigation started into "funders" of "the left"

Any news organization is shut down

Any left-wing NGO is shut down

A member of a prominent left-leaning organization is arrested.

A furry website is hacked and the users are doxxed

80s-style moral panic over furries

Another left-wing group is legally declared a terrorist organization.

"Jimmy Kimmel Live!" ends, or Jimmy Kimmel is fired/resigns

Seth Meyers fired, or show cancelled.

Increased stigma towards sexual "deviants" in the US

Federal bill named in tribute to Charlie Kirk is signed into law

At least 100 people are arrested on Antifa charges.

Federal bill/EO to restrict/prevent transgender gun ownership

National Guard deployed to anywhere in Utah (explicitly linked to Kirk)

Kash Patel fired

South Park canceled

Kirk or the assassination referenced explicitly in super bowl ad

Discord or Bluesky removed from the App Store or Play Store

America becomes a one-party GOP state.

5 swatting attacks reported on (not before) 9/12

YES

Brooke Jowett

Cameron Quashie

Lottie Rae

Mark Warnock

Blanche Cruz

Jackson Goonrey

Keeley Jenkinson

Richard Skimin

Sally Foord

Simon Mee

Caleb Beeby

Lauren "Loz" Mac

Ben Davis

Aisha Washington

Cat Hooker

Daniel Lindberg

Don Rogers

Eliza Reilly

Faith Setiawan

Harry Hills

Johnson Ashak

Lyndl Kean

Paula Drew

YES

YES

YES

OpenAI was looking for a pretext to fire him before they identified the leak

He was fired

He leaked non-trivial information

The leak was not in bad faith

The firing meaningfully relates to the board drama

There will be related legal action against him

The firing meaningfully relates to concerns he had about AI timelines/alignment not being taken seriously enough (https://twitter.com/apples_jimmy/status/1778558928433119599)

The firing meaningfully relates to Ilya

The firing will result in legal action against OpenAI

He was going to quit

YES

Other

Increase in Wars and Rumors of Wars (Matthew 24:6-7)

Preparation for the Third Temple (Daniel 9:27, Matthew 24:15)

Rise of the Antichrist (2 Thessalonians 2:3-4)

Ezekiel 38-39 War (Gog and Magog invasion of Israel)

Rise of a One-World Government (Revelation 13)

Mark of the Beast (Revelation 13:16-18)

Increase in Natural Disasters (Luke 21:11)

Jewish Return to Israel (Ezekiel 36-37)

Rise of Anti-Semitism (Zechariah 12:2-3)

Increase in Knowledge and Travel (Daniel 12:4)

Apostasy and Falling Away from Faith (2 Timothy 3:1-5)

Peace Treaty with Israel (Daniel 9:27)

Euphrates River Drying Up (Revelation 16:12)

Signs in the Sun, Moon, and Stars (Luke 21:25)

Rise of False Prophets (Matthew 24:11)