Fat News

Stretch-and-fold after mixing, 3x every 30 min

Place small ice cubes between parchment and pot instead of water

Add 1tsp of diastatic malt powder per 3cps of flour

Use tap water instead of fancy RO water

put butter into it

Toast the bread

Donate the bread to a food pantry, homeless person, or someone else in need

Add lots of butter (0.2 ml per gram)

Half yeast

Bake it with your best friend.

Use whole wheat to improve the nutrition of the bread

Bake for 5 more minutes

Sprinkle 3 grams of flaky sea salt on top of each loaf before the second bake

Replace all water spritz steps with a basting of extra virgin olive oil.

Diastatic malt (~1% baker's percentage) = happier yeast

Serve the bread hot

Do a second rise

Create indentation, fill with melted cheese and butter

Use sourdough instead of yeast

don't eat anything for at least 2400 hours before eating the bread

Cut into the dough right before baking looks destructive to improve the appearance

Sell your bread at an auction and donate the money to those in immigration detention prisons.

3 iterations of stretch-and-fold, at any time during the 14h waiting period. Minimum wait time between iterations 1 hour

Do it with a good spirit in your heart, or ask someone with a good spirit to do it for you. But don’t watch while they do it.

Make banana bread

Sprinkle sesame seeds evenly over the top

Short advice: Start baking at 260°C for strong rise, then reduce to 230°C and uncover halfway to achieve even browning and a crisp crust. 🍞

Add garlic

Give ChatGPT your current recipe as well your take on what optimal bread tastes like, then take that advice for your next bake

Try baking a little more "bien cuit". If the image is indicative, your loaves may be quite "blonde".

put ketchup and cheese on it

Do all the changes in the top 5 open options by probability, excluding this option

Replace some of the water with an egg (eg. remove 25g of water for a 50g egg)

Add slurs to it

Brush on an egg wash

Ask ChatGPT (GPT-5, with thinking enabled) for suggestions on improving the bread, with this market description, then do all of them.

Just freeze the ready bread, then slowly bake it until it’s hot inside. It will give you a crustier crumb, contain less moisture, and taste better.

Don't eat anything for at least 48 hours before eating the bread

Make the bread taste good

Bake for 15 more minutes

Invest in a "Bakers Steel" for better heat retention and oven spring. It would mean graduating from a dutch oven though.

If your city uses artesian water, replace plastic bottled water with tap water. It will add natural, healthy alkalinity to your bread.

Don't eat anything for at least 24 hours before eating the bread

Bake for an amount of minutes equal to the percent this market answer is at when it comes time to begin baking. (Maintain the ±3 minute tolerances and the 2:1 ratio of time before:after the water spritz.)

Watch the video

Ditch current process, do everything the same as the video

Make naan bread, an easy-to-make bread

Bread flour, 3x yeast, cut rise to ~3h

Eat the bread while punching @realDonaldTrump in the face

Eat the bread while watching your mana balance steadily tick to (M)0

Throw the bread at a telescope

Cut bread into loaves before serving

Cut bread into ≤0.4inch slices, toast before serving

Invite your taste-testers to make the bread with you

Tarriff the bread-making process with a 10% reduction of all ingredients where actual physical money is required to purchase them, until it “shrinkflates,” but try to keep the same volume. Do not reduce any free ingredients.

Standardize a separate list of process features to keep track of independently of all other tests and use the cross entropy method to tune them to maximize your bread preference

Add 2 tbsp vanilla cake mix

Use soda instead of water (clear, orange, yellow, etc. soda is ok. Don’t use a purple/brown soda as that would make it not look good)

Taste the bread

Substitute 75 g of your flour with spelt flour

Don't automatically "Heat water to 30±1 °C". Instead, aim for a desired dough temperature (DDT) of 25-26°C. 30°C water is too hot for summer, and potentially too cool for winter.

Add melatonin to the bread and eat before you sleep (do safely)

While the bread is baking, tip every user who voted "Yes" on this option 25 Mana

Use a food-grade, human-approved vitamin D supplement in the correct dosage for testers with vitamin D deficiency

Use a convection oven/setting

Add 1/2 scoop whey protein powder

Give Gemini your current recipe as well your take on what optimal bread tastes like, then take that advice for your next bake

Add 6.25±1.25 g lemon juice when mixing in water to yeast and salt jug

Replace part of the flour in the dough with freshly crushed hemp seeds. It will make the bread a little bit sweeter, especially appealing for Canadians.

Only use tap water from specifically New York City

Make the bread great again

Decompose it into infinite spheres, then a few parts per sphere, rotate the spheres by arccos(1/3), unite them and you will find 2 chilis (Banach-Tarski)

Bake the Manifold Crane into the Bread

Make the bread edible then throw it in

Drink vodka while eating the bread

Do FOLDED

Quit Manifold into the bread.

Kill the bread into Manifold.

Assume the chili is not in the interval [0,1], square it for more chili, if it is in (0,1), take the square root, else (equals 0 or 1) add 1 to it.

Assume the chili is in the interval (0,1), square it for less chili, if it is in (1,infinity) take the square root, if it is in (-infinity,0) take the negative of the square of the of the chile, else (equals 0 or 1) subtract 1 from it.

Add a tablespoon of sugar

Bake one more minute

replace 10% of flour with farina bona

Grind/powderize all salt used into a fine powder (with pestle & mortar or similar device)

Instead of RO water, use lightly rusty water to improve the nutritional value of the bread with soluble iron.

Increase water by 50 g

Ask yourself if bread is healthier than fruits? No need to improve my bread

Resolve at least one thing here yes or no while baking bread

Wear a suit while baking the cake.

Encourage people to participate in the market in good faith while making the bread

Bake for 5 fewer minutes

Replace salt with sugar

Bake the bread into a fun shape, like a fish, or an octagon

A system view is more appropriate. This is a dynamic, multi-variate, biological and chemical system. For e.g. conditioning salt % AND yeast % AND water temperature based on ingredient and ambient temps.

Replace 10% of flour with milled wheat bran

Put a baking rack in the Dutch oven before putting the loaf in, raising the loaf off the floor and lofting it over a layer of air.

Use flour made from an unconventional grain e.g. barley, millet, oats, rye, sorghum, maize etc.

Cover bread with damp paper towel instead of initial water spritz. Rehydrate paper towel during 2nd spritz. Remove paper towel before placing on cooling rack.

Strawberry jelly filling

Replace 600+/-5g water with 600+/-50g water (eyeball rather than carefully measure)

Have someone sell the bread to you at an expensive price

Add 1/2 cup yogurt to the bread and name the bread “gurt” while addressing it with “yo, gurt”.

Get your friends to help you make a batch ten times the size, but add a Pepper X (2.7M Scoville heat units) to the mixture

Mail the bread to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Washington D.C.

Ship a piece of the bread to a random person.

Frost it and put sprinkles on it to make it a birthday cake.

Buy bread from a michelin star restaurant.

Make all of the ingredients from scratch.

Improve the bread

Quadruple salt

Bake your social security number into it.

Bake one fewer minute

Want to improve the value of your bread? Simply bake a piece of gold into it

Bake the cake while wearing a onesie.

Pray to your preferred agricultural/food deity before baking and before eating

Only buy ingredients from 7/11.

Cook the bread with a rod/puck of aluminum foil (or similar) in the core in an attempt to conduct heat through the center of the bread, cooking it evenly like a doughnut.

Test/filter the water for heavy metals

Eat the bread in front of the White House.

Implement all options that resolved NO

Make the bread inedible then throw it out.

Throw the bread at @realDonaldTrump

Force Feed it to @realDonaldTrump

Add as many Jack Daniel's whiskey barrel smoking chips as feasible to the Dutch oven before baking, physically separating them from the bread as necessary while baking.

Add caffeine to the bread

Cut the bread into the number of traders in the market slices.

make the bread bounce

Implementing every element listed below.

Put a non-lethal dose of any rat poison.

Just make donuts instead

Bake it in an easy bake kids oven

Use a plastic baking sheet.

Eat the bread while betting yes on Cuomo on Manifold

Double oven temperature

Bake the bread very thin and add food coloring to make it have the US flag. Don’t allow it to touch the ground, illuminate at night, fold 13 times properly, and pledge allegiance before eating.

Don’t use usual water (room temperature) for the dough - that water’s only for toilets. Use electrolyte drinks instead with ice cubes; they make the dough taste better and add extra nutrition.

Light it on fire with birthday candles.

Bake it with a microwave

Halve oven temperature

Eat the bread while betting yes on Mamdani on Manifold

Step on it

it needs more salt

Bring it to Yemen and put a bomb in it

Bake America Great Again

Give the bread a name in a ritual ceremony and baptise it, with pre-blessed holy water if a priest isn't available

Sacrifice a lamb

Add MAGA and a splash of Trump juice

Use lemonade instead of water.

Bake in a cat and a dog

Explode it:

5 parts cyanide/ 1 part water/ 1 part sand

say 6 7 67 times before making the bread

Take a fat dump in the dough

Sit in dough 24 hrs

Replace flour with flowers

Let dough sit 24 hrs

Mix half sodium/potassium chloride

Add 2g? of baking soda

Bake in rectangular tin

Add 50g vital wheat gluten

double yeast

halve salt

Double salt

Add 2tsp olive oil

Refrigerate dough instead of room temp wait

Start at 500F, drop to 450F and uncover half way through

Do not mix salt and yeast in water together

Autolyse 20 minutes

Let dough rise on counter only until double volume or 2h max, any time longer in fridge

Think positive thoughts before tasting

Put fork in microwave

Don't eat anything for at least 12 hours before eating the bread

Add 2tbsp vanilla extract

Play classical music while baking

Add a pinch of sugar

Bake on upside-down sheet pan, covered with Dutch oven

Eat the bread with friends

Bake vegimite into it.

Bake vodka into it

Bake it in the country you were born in.

Let dough sit 48 hrs

Resolve this option YES while eating the bread

Ditch all the steps. Just buy the bread from the supermarket

Eat the bread over the course of a week.

Use 50% whole grain flour

Bake the bread with love

Use King Arthur Bread Flour instead of All-Purpose

Add sawdust to increase the volume of the bread (but only like 10% sawdust by volume max. maybe 20% if it's good sawdust)

More steam! Either spritz with more water (preferably hot) or actually pour some boiling water in just before closing the lid.

Resolve this option NO while eating the bread

Incorporate a whole grain flour (buckwheat for example)

Add 50g sugar

Add 50g honey

Swap 200ml water for milk

Make a poolish 12 h ahead: 100 g flour + 100 g water + 0.8 g yeast (0.1 %). After it ferments, use this poolish in place of 100 g flour and 100 g water in the final dough.

Add an amount of MSG equivalent to half the current salt content

Eat the bread while sending all your mana to @realDonaldTrump

Add banana

Cardi B

Green Day

E-40

Daddy Yankee

Fat Joe

Karol G

Ricky Martin

Taylor Swift

Pitbull

J Balvin

human steps on moon again

trump is impeached by either house OR senate

trump dies

grok 6 release date

Bitcoin reaches 180K usd or more

Earthquake magnitude 8.5 or higher somewhere in the world

Tom Scott's 'this video' reaches 80M views on Youtube

polymarket or kalshi release a credit/debit card

Netanyahu out as PM of israel

Chat GPT 6 releases to the general userbase

playstation 6 announced

manifold launches real money trading

trump bombs / invades / attacks mexican territory

putin or zelensky lose power

windows 12 announcement is made

Saw XI Releases in USA

polymarket or kalshi ipo

haunted chocolatier release date known

GenoSamuel releases Chris Chan History #86

israel opens an embassy in syria, OR announces it will

alan greenspan passes away

stripe ipo happens

apple announces a touchscreen laptop

noam chomsky passes away

onepieceexplained reaches 15k subs on youtube

commercial airline hijacked

discord IPO happens

Kier Starmer out

EOD Boxing Day - Dec 26

spacex IPO happens

undersea cables reported cut around taiwan

Bitcoin reaches 150K usd or more

English Wikipedia reaches 7.2M ARTICLES or more

EOD Thanksgiving - Nov 27

new super smash bros game announced (NOT A REMAKE)

Earthquake magnitude 8.0 or higher somewhere in the world

openai loses another board member, or sam altman no longer ceo

Ukraine and Russia announce any ceasefire

Cy Young award winner announced

Bitcoin reaches 130K usd or more

ozempic/wegovy/glp-1 pill approved by the fda

Last game of the MLB World Series ends

EOD Halloween - Oct 31

Imu face reveal in One Piece manga

another trump assassination attempt

nobel peace prize winner announced

Patriot Games ending day

EOD Lief Erikson Day - Oct 9

Legally Blonde 3 release date announced

manifold raises more money

tropico 7 releases

fable (2026) releases

Ark Survival Evolved 2 releases

Twitter releases a Peer to Peer payment system to free or premium users

twitter/x releases x mail to some users

iphone fold release date known

Bitcoin reaches 125K usd or more

yoko ono passes away

apple announces a smart ring

Prong.Studio releases a 3rd product (not an accessory or part for an existing one)

First game of the MLB World Series starts

new iphone releases (in the USA)

Third dune movie officially announced

fourth Knives Out movie announced

beyonce releases an album

drake releases an album

playboi carti releases an album

Patriot Games starting day

Hades 3 announced (game)

the first Solar eclipse of the year

coup in an african country

the start of Amazon Prime Day(s)

First Apple Event of the year

Manifest 2026 starts

fifa world cup - last game ends

marijuana rescheduled as a drug in the USA

Spacex launches 100th rocket in one year

EOD Fourth of July - Jul 4

the second Atlantic hurricane of the season

the second Pacific hurricane of the season

Spacex launches 75th rocket of the year

Taylor swift gets married

the first Atlantic hurricane of the season

the first Pacific hurricane of the season

EOD Cinco De Mayo - May 5

trump removes a cabinet member

Israel and Hamas announce another temporary ceasefire OR permanent ceasefire OR conflict otherwise ends

Spacex launches 50th rocket of the year

grok 5 release date

llama 5 release date

Last day of the NFL draft

someone reaches 100k traders on the creator leaderboard

First Nintendo direct of the year

the first Lunar eclipse of the year

Spacex launches 25th rocket of the year

EOD Fat Tuesday/Mardi Gras

artemis II mission launches

EOD Ides of March - Mar 15

nioh 3 releases in the usa (game)

NO

dexedrine (dextroamphetamine) 5mg

5mg methamphetamine qAM PO

Increasing high quality fat and protein intake; reducing sugar, simple carbs, and grains. [this is not an aim to go into ketosis, no need to be extreme]

Magnesium threonate. 1 capsule in the morning, one before bed. Result- need one less hour of sleep!

Methylphenidate at the correct dose

Eat more complex carbohydrates (chickpea pasta, lentil pasta? - trader joes has some good lentil pasta, and goodles are a decent mac and cheese replacement).

Supplement to ensure adequate vitamin and mineral levels

Chewing nicotine gum while learning new material

Drinking 2-3 cups of coffee daily.

Chewing something like a camel. Try for real

Cold water immersion. (Can be as simple as =>1min in shower under cold water)

modafinil 50 mg 2-3 times per week (lowish dose; could go lower for less effect)

Eat more vegetables

Eat high quality fats

Intermittent fasting with an 8-10 hour feeding window, following the same scheduled hours each day. [even if your schedule is in flux, your fasting/feeding window should remain relatively constant]

Vitamin D3 - 2000 IU daily

NO

YES

YES

NO

NO

YES

YES