The Touch News

Tom Brady is at the game

Teams are a rematch of a previous super bowl

Super Bowl is won by a bird team

First score is a field goal

Coin toss is 'heads'

Gatorade shower color is yellow/green

Onside kick attempt

Unauthorized person gets on the field of play

Team has 5+ sacks

Team scores in all 4 quarters (same team)

Team will be scoreless for a quarter

Team scores in last 30 seconds of either half

First play from scrimmage is a rush

Jersey number of last touchdown scorer is even

Winning margin is 10+ points

Both teams complete their first pass attempt

Illegal use of hands to the face penalty given

Pick 6 occurs

2 point conversion attempted

Player goes into the blue tent

Streaker (fully or partially nude on field)

At least one team has 0 points at halftime

Winning team has more total yards

Any player scores 7+ points individually

Player with prime jersey number scores a touchdown

All quarters have points scored (no 0-0 quarters)

Rules analyst disagrees with a decision a ref made

Holding call in 4th quarter

A player listed over 260 lbs scores a touchdown

Either quarterback has 2+ interceptions

No rushing touchdowns scored

Any player successfully hurdles a defender

[Total score] > [Longest field goal made]

Opening kickoff result is a touchback

Drake Maye sacked in 4th Quarter

Player knocks non-player over on the sideline

Kick is missed

Head coach throws a challenge flag

Team is a first time super bowl winner

Final score is scorigami

Current or former US President in attendance

Announcer says "tush push"

Score is tied at half-time

Taylor Swift is at the game

Game goes to OT

Failed 4th down attempt

Last play is 'victory formation'

Any player has a 60+ yard reception

Coin toss is 'tails'

A safety is scored

Kick is successfully blocked

Any QB throws for 400 or more yards in the game

National anthem is over 2 minutes

Special teams touchdown

Successful 2-point conversion

There is a doink

Stadium blackout occurs

Player gets carted off the field

First turnover is an interception

Player gets ejected from the game

Successful 'hail mary' pass is made

Player retires immediately after game

Player flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct

Backup QB gets put in the game

Points scored in the first 90 seconds

A player's jersey gets torn

Team wins by exactly one point

Player shown eating a snack on the sideline

Head coach or player throws something on sideline in frustration

Quarterback runs in for a touchdown

50+ yard field goal is made

A player catches the ball with one hand

An administrative timeout is taken

Player crying during national anthem

First score is a touchdown

Both teams make 33 yard or longer field goal

Team that scores last wins the game

Score is tied again after 0-0

QB catches a pass from any player

Any player scores 2+ touchdowns

Super Bowl MVP is a quarterback

First drive of game is a '3 and out'

Kicker is iced

Team scores in the last 30 seconds of the game

Final score is the same as the final score of a previous Super Bowl

[LX total score] > [LIX total score]

Puppy Bowl 2026 MVP shares a first or last name with the SB MVP

Altercation occurs between a player and a coach

Team leading at halftime loses

Broadcast uses video from pylon camera

No penalties in the 4th quarter

Play with one or more attempted laterals occurs

Winning team has more passing yards

Winning team has more turnovers

Player spikes ball during a touchdown celebration

Ruling on the field gets overturned by review

Trick play results in positive yardage

Both teams have a 4th quarter lead

Any player to score an octopus

Super Bowl MVP threw an interception or fumbled during the game

No penalty called in last 5 minutes of the game

Any current or former US president is directly referenced by announcer

Penalty for 'roughing the passer' is given

Chains used to measure first down 1+ times

WM Phoenix Open winning score under par is higher than Super Bowl kicking points

Tush Push touchdown is made

50+ yard return

Injury timeout is taken

Final combined total of QB pass completions is odd

Both teams score in 1st quarter

[1st half total score] > [2nd half total score]

Super Bowl MVP not from winning team

Announcer says "goat"

Live animal enters the field of play

Unauthorized person touches midfield logo

First touchdown celebration includes acrobatics

Announcer says "stud"

Wild Card team makes the Super Bowl

Super Bowl is canceled, postponed or rescheduled (from 2-8-2026)

Announcer says “hawk-eye”

Stretch-and-fold after mixing, 3x every 30 min

Place small ice cubes between parchment and pot instead of water

Add 1tsp of diastatic malt powder per 3cps of flour

Use tap water instead of fancy RO water

put butter into it

Toast the bread

Donate the bread to a food pantry, homeless person, or someone else in need

Add lots of butter (0.2 ml per gram)

Half yeast

Bake it with your best friend.

Use whole wheat to improve the nutrition of the bread

Bake for 5 more minutes

Sprinkle 3 grams of flaky sea salt on top of each loaf before the second bake

Replace all water spritz steps with a basting of extra virgin olive oil.

Diastatic malt (~1% baker's percentage) = happier yeast

Serve the bread hot

Do a second rise

Create indentation, fill with melted cheese and butter

Use sourdough instead of yeast

don't eat anything for at least 2400 hours before eating the bread

Cut into the dough right before baking looks destructive to improve the appearance

Sell your bread at an auction and donate the money to those in immigration detention prisons.

3 iterations of stretch-and-fold, at any time during the 14h waiting period. Minimum wait time between iterations 1 hour

Do it with a good spirit in your heart, or ask someone with a good spirit to do it for you. But don’t watch while they do it.

Make banana bread

Sprinkle sesame seeds evenly over the top

Short advice: Start baking at 260°C for strong rise, then reduce to 230°C and uncover halfway to achieve even browning and a crisp crust. 🍞

Add garlic

Give ChatGPT your current recipe as well your take on what optimal bread tastes like, then take that advice for your next bake

Try baking a little more "bien cuit". If the image is indicative, your loaves may be quite "blonde".

put ketchup and cheese on it

Make naan bread, an easy-to-make bread

Do all the changes in the top 5 open options by probability, excluding this option

Replace some of the water with an egg (eg. remove 25g of water for a 50g egg)

Add slurs to it

Brush on an egg wash

Ask ChatGPT (GPT-5, with thinking enabled) for suggestions on improving the bread, with this market description, then do all of them.

Just freeze the ready bread, then slowly bake it until it’s hot inside. It will give you a crustier crumb, contain less moisture, and taste better.

Don't eat anything for at least 48 hours before eating the bread

Make the bread taste good

Bake for 15 more minutes

Invest in a "Bakers Steel" for better heat retention and oven spring. It would mean graduating from a dutch oven though.

If your city uses artesian water, replace plastic bottled water with tap water. It will add natural, healthy alkalinity to your bread.

Don't eat anything for at least 24 hours before eating the bread

Bake for an amount of minutes equal to the percent this market answer is at when it comes time to begin baking. (Maintain the ±3 minute tolerances and the 2:1 ratio of time before:after the water spritz.)

Watch the video

Ditch current process, do everything the same as the video

Bread flour, 3x yeast, cut rise to ~3h

Eat the bread while punching @realDonaldTrump in the face

Eat the bread while watching your mana balance steadily tick to (M)0

Throw the bread at a telescope

Cut bread into loaves before serving

Cut bread into ≤0.4inch slices, toast before serving

Invite your taste-testers to make the bread with you

Tarriff the bread-making process with a 10% reduction of all ingredients where actual physical money is required to purchase them, until it “shrinkflates,” but try to keep the same volume. Do not reduce any free ingredients.

Standardize a separate list of process features to keep track of independently of all other tests and use the cross entropy method to tune them to maximize your bread preference

Add 2 tbsp vanilla cake mix

Use soda instead of water (clear, orange, yellow, etc. soda is ok. Don’t use a purple/brown soda as that would make it not look good)

Taste the bread

Substitute 75 g of your flour with spelt flour

Don't automatically "Heat water to 30±1 °C". Instead, aim for a desired dough temperature (DDT) of 25-26°C. 30°C water is too hot for summer, and potentially too cool for winter.

Add melatonin to the bread and eat before you sleep (do safely)

While the bread is baking, tip every user who voted "Yes" on this option 25 Mana

Use a food-grade, human-approved vitamin D supplement in the correct dosage for testers with vitamin D deficiency

Use a convection oven/setting

Add 1/2 scoop whey protein powder

Give Gemini your current recipe as well your take on what optimal bread tastes like, then take that advice for your next bake

Add 6.25±1.25 g lemon juice when mixing in water to yeast and salt jug

Replace part of the flour in the dough with freshly crushed hemp seeds. It will make the bread a little bit sweeter, especially appealing for Canadians.

Buy bread from a michelin star restaurant.

Only use tap water from specifically New York City

Make the bread great again

Decompose it into infinite spheres, then a few parts per sphere, rotate the spheres by arccos(1/3), unite them and you will find 2 chilis (Banach-Tarski)

Bake the Manifold Crane into the Bread

Make the bread edible then throw it in

Drink vodka while eating the bread

Do FOLDED

Quit Manifold into the bread.

Kill the bread into Manifold.

Assume the chili is not in the interval [0,1], square it for more chili, if it is in (0,1), take the square root, else (equals 0 or 1) add 1 to it.

Assume the chili is in the interval (0,1), square it for less chili, if it is in (1,infinity) take the square root, if it is in (-infinity,0) take the negative of the square of the of the chile, else (equals 0 or 1) subtract 1 from it.

Add a tablespoon of sugar

Bake one more minute

replace 10% of flour with farina bona

Grind/powderize all salt used into a fine powder (with pestle & mortar or similar device)

Instead of RO water, use lightly rusty water to improve the nutritional value of the bread with soluble iron.

Increase water by 50 g

Ask yourself if bread is healthier than fruits? No need to improve my bread

Resolve at least one thing here yes or no while baking bread

Wear a suit while baking the cake.

Encourage people to participate in the market in good faith while making the bread

Bake for 5 fewer minutes

Replace salt with sugar

Bake the bread into a fun shape, like a fish, or an octagon

A system view is more appropriate. This is a dynamic, multi-variate, biological and chemical system. For e.g. conditioning salt % AND yeast % AND water temperature based on ingredient and ambient temps.

Replace 10% of flour with milled wheat bran

Put a baking rack in the Dutch oven before putting the loaf in, raising the loaf off the floor and lofting it over a layer of air.

Use flour made from an unconventional grain e.g. barley, millet, oats, rye, sorghum, maize etc.

Cover bread with damp paper towel instead of initial water spritz. Rehydrate paper towel during 2nd spritz. Remove paper towel before placing on cooling rack.

Strawberry jelly filling

Replace 600+/-5g water with 600+/-50g water (eyeball rather than carefully measure)

Have someone sell the bread to you at an expensive price

Add 1/2 cup yogurt to the bread and name the bread “gurt” while addressing it with “yo, gurt”.

Get your friends to help you make a batch ten times the size, but add a Pepper X (2.7M Scoville heat units) to the mixture

Mail the bread to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Washington D.C.

Ship a piece of the bread to a random person.

Frost it and put sprinkles on it to make it a birthday cake.

Make all of the ingredients from scratch.

Improve the bread

Quadruple salt

Bake your social security number into it.

Bake one fewer minute

Want to improve the value of your bread? Simply bake a piece of gold into it

Bake the cake while wearing a onesie.

Pray to your preferred agricultural/food deity before baking and before eating

Only buy ingredients from 7/11.

Cook the bread with a rod/puck of aluminum foil (or similar) in the core in an attempt to conduct heat through the center of the bread, cooking it evenly like a doughnut.

Test/filter the water for heavy metals

Eat the bread in front of the White House.

Implement all options that resolved NO

Make the bread inedible then throw it out.

Throw the bread at @realDonaldTrump

Force Feed it to @realDonaldTrump

Add as many Jack Daniel's whiskey barrel smoking chips as feasible to the Dutch oven before baking, physically separating them from the bread as necessary while baking.

Add caffeine to the bread

Cut the bread into the number of traders in the market slices.

make the bread bounce

Implementing every element listed below.

Put a non-lethal dose of any rat poison.

Just make donuts instead

Bake it in an easy bake kids oven

Use a plastic baking sheet.

Eat the bread while betting yes on Cuomo on Manifold

Double oven temperature

Bake the bread very thin and add food coloring to make it have the US flag. Don’t allow it to touch the ground, illuminate at night, fold 13 times properly, and pledge allegiance before eating.

Don’t use usual water (room temperature) for the dough - that water’s only for toilets. Use electrolyte drinks instead with ice cubes; they make the dough taste better and add extra nutrition.

Light it on fire with birthday candles.

Bake it with a microwave

Halve oven temperature

Eat the bread while betting yes on Mamdani on Manifold

Step on it

it needs more salt

Bring it to Yemen and put a bomb in it

Bake America Great Again

Give the bread a name in a ritual ceremony and baptise it, with pre-blessed holy water if a priest isn't available

Sacrifice a lamb

Add MAGA and a splash of Trump juice

Use lemonade instead of water.

Bake in a cat and a dog

Explode it:

5 parts cyanide/ 1 part water/ 1 part sand

say 6 7 67 times before making the bread

Take a fat dump in the dough

Sit in dough 24 hrs

Replace flour with flowers

Let dough sit 24 hrs

Mix half sodium/potassium chloride

Add 2g? of baking soda

Bake in rectangular tin

Add 50g vital wheat gluten

double yeast

halve salt

Double salt

Add 2tsp olive oil

Refrigerate dough instead of room temp wait

Start at 500F, drop to 450F and uncover half way through

Do not mix salt and yeast in water together

Autolyse 20 minutes

Let dough rise on counter only until double volume or 2h max, any time longer in fridge

Think positive thoughts before tasting

Put fork in microwave

Don't eat anything for at least 12 hours before eating the bread

Add 2tbsp vanilla extract

Play classical music while baking

Add a pinch of sugar

Bake on upside-down sheet pan, covered with Dutch oven

Eat the bread with friends

Bake vegimite into it.

Bake vodka into it

Bake it in the country you were born in.

Let dough sit 48 hrs

Resolve this option YES while eating the bread

Ditch all the steps. Just buy the bread from the supermarket

Eat the bread over the course of a week.

Use 50% whole grain flour

Bake the bread with love

Use King Arthur Bread Flour instead of All-Purpose

Add sawdust to increase the volume of the bread (but only like 10% sawdust by volume max. maybe 20% if it's good sawdust)

More steam! Either spritz with more water (preferably hot) or actually pour some boiling water in just before closing the lid.

Resolve this option NO while eating the bread

Incorporate a whole grain flour (buckwheat for example)

Add 50g sugar

Add 50g honey

Swap 200ml water for milk

Make a poolish 12 h ahead: 100 g flour + 100 g water + 0.8 g yeast (0.1 %). After it ferments, use this poolish in place of 100 g flour and 100 g water in the final dough.

Add an amount of MSG equivalent to half the current salt content

Eat the bread while sending all your mana to @realDonaldTrump

Add banana

YES

Kissing

Puts his hand on the small of a woman's back (does not have to be romantic/sexual touch)

Flirts with Moneypenny

Sex is implied but not shown (e.g. Kissing, then fading to black and then waking up in bed together)

Cuddling

Hugging

Kisses (or more) with multiple partners (not necessarily at once)

Committing a crime together

Romantic dinner

Holding hands

Missionary

Say or be told "I love you" (Any language)

Massage

Sexting

Multiple partners (at once)

Oral

Spanking (receive or give)

Gay sex

Anal

Oral (giving)

Oral (receiving)

Pegging

Boxing

Greco-Roman Wrestling

Beach Volleyball

Golf

Surfing

Weightlifting

Sport Climbing

Modern Pentathlon

Cricket

3x3 Basketball

Taekwondo

U23 Football (Soccer)

Heptathlon

Skateboarding

Lacrosse

Squash

Baseball

Flag Football

Rhythmic Gymnastics

Bouldering (alone, not part of a combined event)

Netball

Softball

Rugby League

Touch (aka Touch Football or Touch Rugby League)

Lead (alone, not part of a combined event)

BMX Freestyle

Dressage

More than 12 Freestyle Wrestling categories

50 kilometres race walk

Skateboard Vert

Lifesaving

Compound Bow Archery

Kickboxing

Keelboat Sailing

Karate

Men's Rhythmic Gymnastics

Motorsports

Women's Greco-Roman wrestling

Beach Sprint Rowing

Racquetball

Australian Rules Football

Pickleball

Lightweight Rowing

Ultimate

Developed nations will soon stop legally or socially enforcing monogamy, with polyamory becoming more accepted

Supersonic planes will make a comeback by 2085

Human delivery workers will soon be replaced by drones

Slaughtering animals for food will go out of fashion and be outlawed by 2125

Cash will become extinct and replaced with digital alternatives by 2040

Self-driving cars will become the norm and human driving will be illegal except in emergencies by 2045

Smart homes will be made obsolete by advanced robots by 2085

Touch screens, keyboards and handheld devices will be replaced with motion capture and AR by 2045

Advanced imaging technology for daily health checks will become standard in households by 2050

The quantum internet will fade into obscurity by 2085

Combustion engines will become obsolete by 2040

VR will remain a niche technology by 2085

NO

Touch-screen smartphones

AR/VR glasses

Other technology that WAS already commercialized in 2024

Other technology that was NOT commercialized in 2024

Rabbit-style voice agents

Humane-style pins

NO

YES

>= 6.85" display

>= 8x optical zoom

a Thunderbolt 4 or USB4 port

>= 3 high-performance cores

>= 130% mAh battery of next-tier iPhone

greater optical zoom than next-tier iPhone

more high-performance cores than next-tier iPhone

Special LLM capabilities (e.g. extra cache for LLM weights near a Neural Engine)

2 TB storage option

>= 1.5x RAM of next-tier iPhone

>= 12 GB RAM

>= 1.5x transistors of next-tier iPhone

No physical buttons https://www.macrumors.com/2025/10/28/20th-anniversary-iphone-solid-state-buttons/

officially supports a desktop-like experience when used with external displays (~same web app experience as MacOS Safari)

a Thunderbolt 3 port

a Quantum Random Number Generator (QRNG) chip

special LLM capabilities beyond next-tier iPhone. Just 2x inference volume wouldn't count.

split-screen multi-tasking

more external buttons than next-tier iPhone

>= 2 USB-C ports

Touch ID

YES