Kick News

A WR has 1,700+ receiving yards

A player catches 9+ interceptions

A QB is sacked 50+ times

A QB wins MVP

A QB wins (offensive) ROTY

A team wins 14+ games in the regular season

Super Bowl winning team has the same starting QB in Week 1 as in the Super Bowl

Rookie WR with the highest receiving yards is not Harrison Jr, Nabers, or Odunze

5 Teams finish with positive Rush EPA in the regular season

Regular Season MVP plays for the team that drafted them

A running back wins OPOY

The NFL dissolves before 2050

A team scores over 70 points in any single game

An octopus* is scored in Week 1

10+ games ending in Scorigami (9 last season)

Travis Kelce proposes to Taylor Swift on a Chief's game day

A special teams touchdown will be scored during the playoffs

A rookie wins MVP

A rookie wins OPOY

A rookie wins DPOY

A veteran in their first season with a new team wins MVP

Super Bowl is a rematch (KC vs SF)

A QB passes for 5,000+ yards

A player gets 18+ sacks

New kick return rules result in 50%+ of kickoffs being returned (2023: 22%)

Team goes 17-0

Team goes 0-17

[With five or more methods]

With their bare hands

With a weapon that the victim brought to the fight.

With a gadget or other ingenious device from Q

Other

With a hand gun

In the dark

With a long arm (a firearm larger than a pistol).

With a Walther PP or PPK handgun

By causing a structural collapse under them.

Slap

Drowning them

By pushing them off something high up

Sideswiping them with a car

Choking them

Silently, but deadly

With a named MMA submission (e.g., rear-naked choke, arm bar, kimura lock, etc.)

With a knife

Dropping something heavy on them

With electricity

By driving over them in a car

Biting

With a Kalashnikov Rifle (e.g. AK47)

Flambé /Fire

hurts someone's feelings (character in question must state this)

With a timed explosive device

By opening a hatch/airlock

With poison

Drone strike

With his cock (like a fighting Rooster; get yer minds outta that gutter)

Electrocution / With electricity

With a power tool normally used for construction

Lures them into a booby-trapped room

By calling in artillery or missile strike

Arranging for them to be attacked by an animal

With a piece of sporting equipment

Sonic weapon

With a chain

Flying/jump/drop kick

With a grenade

With a flamethrower

Punch to the groin

With a lazer based weapon

With a missle

Friendly fire (Bond unintentionally injures an ally)

With nanobots

Ejector seat

Big stick

With a sling shot

Crashing a plane into them

With a harpoon gun

With a crossbow

By pushing them into a spinning blade

By shaking them, not stirring them

By riding over them with a motorcycle

Killing them with kindness

Non-knife kitchen utensil

By running into them with a submarine

Rape

With microwaves

With a motherfucking snake on a motherfucking plane

Causing them to crash into a wall by painting a tunnel onto it

Scores over 23.5 points in Week 1

Wins a preseason game

Von Miller has 5 or more sacks

Sean McDermott is fired (or leaves) before the Bills reach the Super Bowl

The team moves or is renamed before 2050

Josh Allen retires with more rushing yards than Jalen Hurts retires with

Miss a kick wide right in a playoff game

Drafts at least one QB in the NFL Draft

Leading receiver is a rookie

Leading receiver is a Tight End

Curtis Samuel has 150 or more Rushing Yards

James Cook has 1,600 or more all purpose yards

Taylor Rapp has 3 or more Unnecessary Roughness penalties

Andy Isabella records a completion

Josh Allen completes 3 or more laterals after the line of scrimmage (non-last play of game)

Josh Allen has more rushing touchdowns that Jalen Hurts

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NO

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NO

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NO

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YES