Penis News

An Aston Martin

Aston Martin DB Series

A car also capable of driving itself

A Land Rover

A convertible car

A motorcyle

An unpowered parachute

A motorboat

Off-road vehicle

Any rover (Range, Land, Mars, moon, etc.)

Aston Martin Lagonda

A helicopter

A jet aircraft

A penis shaped car

An electric scooter (e.g. bird/lime)

A drone/quadcopter

A sailboat

A BMW

Aston Martin Valhalla

Aston Martin Valkyrie

Aston Martin Vantage

A hang glider, wingsuit, or other unpowered gliding aircraft.

A Sea-Doo/JetSki

A zipline

A glider/sailplane

An excavator

A combustion scooter (e.g. vespa)

A taxi cab

An EMS vehicle (police car, ambulance, fire truck)

A kidnapper van

A litter/sedan chair

A race car specifically designed for racing like F1 or Nascar

A train

A Pedal bicycle

A Semi-Truck

A tank

A fixed wing single-engine aircraft

A tilt-rotor aircraft

A hydrofoil

A gyrocopter

A bus

A pair of skis

A toboggan

A hot air balloon

A golf cart

A Lada

A wheelchair

A submarine

A jetpack

A beast of burden

A Bentley

A Rolls-Royce

A vehicle integrated into footwear, such as heelys or jet boots.

A motherfucking plane full of moterfucking snakes

A spacecraft

A snowmobile

A blimp

A bulldozer

A mech

A tow truck

A Segway

A rickshaw

A chariot

piggyback ride

A Zamboni

A hyperloop capsule

A unicycle

A SpaceX Starship

A push scooter (e.g. Razor)

A Tesla

House with balloons attached to it (like the movie Up)

A pedal-powered duck boat

Cybertruck

A hoverboard

A trike

A Zorb

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile

Margin of victory is less than 2 3/4 lengths

Jimmy Carter is alive at the conclusion of race

Official track condition will be Fast

Winning Horse's Number is Prime (1 is not prime)

The Kentucky Derby is not be raced two years in a row at any point before 2050

Winning jockey celebrates with fist pump

Winning jockey thanks owner first in post-race interview

3 words in the winning horse's name

Winner beats last year's winning time (2:01.57)

Winning horse's name is 10 or 11 letters long (not counting spaces)

A penis is hanging out on the track (jockey or spectator, not horse)

One or more horse participants die within a week of the race (before or after, during too)

Thursday, August 7

Saturday, August 9

Wednesday, August 6

Friday, August 8

Sunday, August 10

Monday, August 11

Peripheral nervous system - spinal cord or nerve injury

Hypothalamus - structural abnormality

Testes - tumor (non-cancerous)

Penis - prostate tumor (non-cancerous)

Thyroid - Hyperthyroidism

Pituitary gland - structural abnormality

Hypothalamus - tumor (non-cancerous)

Testes - physical abnormality

Penis - prostate tumor (cancer)

Thyroid - Hypothyroidism

Pituitary gland - tumor (non-cancerous)

Testes - tumor (cancer)

Penis - structural abnormality

Other brain abnormality or tumor (non-cancerous) e.g. Prolactinoma

Nervous system - Multiple sclerosis

Pituitary gland - tumor (cancerous)

Hypothalamus - tumor (cancerous)

Other brain tumor (cancerous)

Pornography Addiction

YES

Bladder

Pancreatic

Other

Rectal

Prostate

Penis

YES

NO

NO